Kenya is a culture on it's own and also carries numerous diversities when it comes to tribal variaties. You might think 'old news', but being here for a month, observing many details, absorbing impressions, talking to numerous citizens...more and more I come to realize this culture is in many many ways very different than what I am used to.
I find myself, daily, in this conflict of thinking: Yes, the cultural habbits are different and the backgrounds of people's lives make Kenyans the way they are (just as my background made me who I am today) but there seem to be certain core-lines of "being" where any person is the same. Wherever in this world. Right? Everybody prefers a smile over a nasty face, everybody wants to be seen for who they really are, everybody wants to be heard, everybody wants acceptance, appreciation, love and affection. Everybody needs to sleep, eat healthy, take care of themselves etc. Doesn't matter who or where. The aborigonal in the bush or the businessman on Wallstreet. The warm- and safely raised teenage girl or the 10-year old gang-member from a broken home.
Every individual is different indeed and their past has made them who they are today.
I wonder sometimes if I'm thinking straight when my aim seems to be to try and have every person (including myself) end up being the same. Balanced out. It's almost as if I think in the end, when we're all in heaven, everyone will be that same image of Christ.
"All should be in balance", Nothing should carry the word "too" before it. Too much, too rich, too poor, too quiet, too loud etc.
Who makes the rules when something is "too"...something?
I wonder a lot how some people seem so confident about themselves. They speak and it sounds like music into my ears. Good music. All they say makes sence and they seem to be able to explain very well. I envy that for I feel I lack there.
Opinions or the strenght or certainty of an expression or even a look can shake me and make me doubt my own convictions.
I am raised to rationalize. To bring feelings into words. To deal with true emotions by talking about it and having the freedom to do so.
The other day I had a conversation with someone here from the Kenyan office and he explained to me that Kenya is somewhere still suffering from the impact of Daniel Arap Moi's presidency (1978-2002). Due to his dictatorship Kenyans weren't allowed to speak their minds freely. Results of doing so were tricky (to put it lightly) and so I can understand why now even Kenyans seem to fear to be blunt, up front and straight to the point. They hardly confront. And that's where I become confused. Because it goes against my 'nature' so much.
I count myself priviliged to be raised in a land where there's freedom. I think of Anne Frank who knew about different times and still found the guts to speak her mind in her diary. I think about Barack Obama and ask myself how he pulls it off to always look good at all times, carry a charme and speak (almost) perfect to the nation. I wonder where the corruption hides, anywhere.
The world is a big and dangerous place. Perhaps only something small needs to happen and people snap and go nuts. Where to find sanity and peace in your heart again then?
I think of Louie Giglio's sermon about 'Hope, when life hurts most', where we learn that even in the most difficult times in life we are adviced to 'take heart' for IN HIM we will find peace. I thankfully embrace every single word here.
Conditions for creativity are to be puzzled; to concentrate; to accept conflict and tension; to be born everyday; to feel a sense of self. (Erich Fromm)
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